The Ranch

Dear Leiana,
I want to write you this way for a few reasons.
1. I want you to know how much I love you, and I want you to look back and read this one day for a memory and to see that even though I am not perfect that I want to be a good mom even though I don’t act like it all the time.
2. There are so many things that I want to be able to tell you but you won’t understand at four-years-old. (You told everyone you saw yesterday that you were four even though your birthday was a few weeks ago. Everyone loved it.)
3) I think you are so fun and really amazing, but I know that it’s hard to believe when all it seems like I do is yell and discipline.
I am not that great at talking. I am much better at writing my feelings, the thing is is that you can’t read yet. I actually did try to talk to you tonight button just kept saying “poopoo butt” and laying on me and touching my “beebees” and licking me and driving me nuts. I know that supposedly I’m supposed to know that a four-year-old is going to act like a four-year-old but oh my goodness, you drive me crazy sometimes. I want to have a on-on-one to find out what was your favorite part of today, and you can’t sit still for a minute or just answer my Questions. The thing is that I feel like it’s my fault when I rarely ever actually talk to you or let you talk and I actually listen and suddenly I expect you to have a civilized, grown-up conversation?

We had some fun today. We went to the ranch library, then to lunch, and then we walked to the prayer garden and helped Diane water the garden, trim trees, and hung out with her. We came back, took a bath, and went to dinner.
I know that you are dealing with a lot of changes recently. Moving to the ranch to a smaller place with no ac so we can’t really spend time in the trailer during the day. You are getting used to having a baby sister and not having my attention all day. I know that we can’t spend as much time together as we used to. I also know that I’m less patient, more tired, and more annoyed than I used to be. I’m so sorry for that.
We are blessed though. I know that you love being here at the ranch seeing Carlos, Shooby, Juan, Shaun, Jeanie, Susie, and John all the time. We get to see the animals, play on the play ground, go to the computer lab, take walks to the orchard, herb garden, and to the thrift store, and we get to eat lunch with all our fiends all the time. You also have a cool baby sister who wants to do everything you do.
We are blessed. God has provided for all of our needs and the people here really made your birthday special. God has special plans for you, Leiana. You are so strong, outgoing, and already a leader. I pray that you use those leadership qualities to lead people to God and to not follow the crowd or let your desire to be liked to make you do things you know you shouldn’t do.
I pray that God gives me and daddy the wisdom to know how to help grow you into the woman that He can use for His glory.
Love, Mama.